Lost refrain
Long time ago, one angel come to earth, knows nothing, doesn’t know what is bad, what is good, one thing he know, he was sent here. Time goes by, this little angel is growing, his Father still keep an eye on him without his knowing. One day, he felt that he’s all alone, forget about his Father up there, he decided to be a mortal, he took off his wings, he change his robe, he want to be a mortal. When he’s a mortal, he saw one angel, when he sees her, he like her spontaneously, then he tried to chase her, but he’s just a mortal now, time pass by again, more and more he realized that he is no match for her, he’s just a mortal now, not an angel anymore, but a simple mortal, and she is an angel, one angel that spread hope and beauty to earth. Knowing this, he tried his best to be a mortal that close enough to an angel level, so he can accompany her, and protect her. Time goes by again, days changes to months, months changes to years, he still be near the angel, he still think that he’s no match for her, not a simple same level, nor angel, just a mortal and an angel, that seems can’t be united by anything, but he still tried to be the best mortal, so he can be with her. One time he realized that the reason he do that thing is because he loves her, is this pure love, or just a mortal love? Not knowing what to do, lost his direction, he tried to express his love to her, but it was too late. One knight from heaven has told her that he loves her, and the angel received his love. When he know this, his heart are shattered into pieces, knows that it late, expressing his love will be useless now, he think. Then for some time, he tries to close his heart, he tried and tried, he tried hardly to close his heart, altered the warmth of his heart to be as cold as ice, and harden his heart to be as hard as solid rock, but he never managed to that, he tried more and more, to close his heart, he doesn’t care what the consequences, he just want to close his heart. His effort was not succeed, tried to close his heart was making his heart more damaged, so none was left from his heart again, his mind is also separated, what left from he was his consciousness only, now this mortal is just one body without any mind, no feeling either, he can sense no hurt, no pain, no sadness, no joy, just like a corpse, even a corpse is better than him. One angel that became mortal, one angel that lost his wings, one angel that lost his shine, one angel that become stained in sin and blood, he’s the angel that deserting by heaven, rejected by hell, also denied by earth, none of the creature of earth, hell, or even heaven that want to see him, being rejected by all, wandering alone in a world without warmth, wandering alone in a world of ice and winter snow, wandering alone without anything, this mortal now just waiting, waiting for his time to vanish, doesn’t care how, doesn’t care when, he just waiting for his existence to be vanish from this world. No one accepted him anymore, no one want to be with him, not since he came to here, not now, not forever, nobody want him, he is just a cursed creature in this world, covered in sin, covered in blood, he is not worthy in being a human, not even worthy as a corpse, he is just a pile of bone and flesh without any ability of thinking, caring, or even loving. Walking alone in the snowfield aimlessly he just wait for someone or something put him to and end, kill him, so his existence be gone from this earth, be gone for good, he means nothing for earth, he means nothing for hell either, how come he means something for heaven, since he becomes mortal, he has no ability at all, he can’t do anything right, not a simple thing that he can do right. Now he is just walking aimlessly, walking aimlessly in a cold world of ice and snow alone, waiting for his heart stop pumping blood throughout his whole body, waiting for his body started to frost, waiting for his own death. Alone in a cold world of ice and snow .That angel is me, I’m the person that being stained in sin, I’m the person that tried to close my heart completely, I’m the one that not worthy to earth, hell or even heaven, since I left heaven , rejected by hell, and denied by earth, no one wants me, I’m just one cursed creature, nothing is worthy from me, I’m the dead angel, I’m the angel that took off his wings, I’m the angel that fell into sin, I’m the angel that stained himself with blood, and I’m the one that wait for my own death, I contribute nothing to earth, I contribute nothing to hell, heaven? I just contributed my wings to be taken by someone else that more worthy to wear that wings, I’m the person, who doesn’t want to live anymore, no one wants me, mortal who was an angel, but left heaven, took off his wings, and tried to close his heart. I’m nobody.
DeaD AngeL
-NieLz-
©2006
